A new chapter?

So at first it was all quite and exciting and everything. Moving back to what is possibly the greatest city in the world, and no lockdown in sight! A stressful but exciting time. Now, however, it would not be inaccurate to say that I identify more as a tightly knit ball of stress than IContinue reading “A new chapter?”

short thoughts: on judging one’s existential state, or, the answer to “how are you?”

When people ask how you are, I wonder how many actually know what they are asking? Is it just a customary greeting? Are you enquiring about my overall well-being, encompassing my personal, professional, and social lives? Is it a question on how I am physically, whether all my parts are in working order? I spentContinue reading “short thoughts: on judging one’s existential state, or, the answer to “how are you?””

short thoughts: on why I create, and why I share

Creation begets creation, this post is a testament to that – these thoughts came to me while commenting on another post where someone questioned our urge to create and share. For me, the need to write often arises as an outlet for the overwhelm in my mind, but also as a way to preserve myContinue reading “short thoughts: on why I create, and why I share”

The Harem in Me

I’ve been reading Elif Shafak’s memoir Black Milk: on Writing and Motherhood recently. The writer talks of the “harem of women inside her”, she calls them her Choir of Discordant Voices, her Thumbelinas, her finger-women. These women inside her are both her guides and her critiques; they disagree on everything and argue constantly, there’s noContinue reading “The Harem in Me”

short thoughts: on beginnings and endings

“Crucial to finding the way is this: there is no beginning or end.” I consider these words as I try to trace our journey, from the first awkward introduction to now. I’m trying to figure out how we got here, how every soul baring conversation, every round of banter, every unexpected adventure, every conflict ofContinue reading “short thoughts: on beginnings and endings”

short thoughts: the upcoming death of a diary

Hello, friend. Hi, dear diary I’ve downloaded all my excess and overwhelming thoughts and feelings into for the past few years. I wonder who I’ll be when you are all filled up? Why does it feel so literal, the very real possibility of a closing chapter in life, nay, the ending of a saga, coincidingContinue reading “short thoughts: the upcoming death of a diary”

Letters to my younger selves

Dear 18 year old Mubash, I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. I remember you as so eager. Eager to please, eager to fit in, eager to succeed – whatever that meant. You travelled halfway across the world to start a new phase of life, the college years, the America years, the first timeContinue reading “Letters to my younger selves”

Anti-blackness & your brown family, A conundrum

How many of you have had a conversation with your brown families on racism and anti-blackness, in light of everything that’s happened in the past week? If you’re not in the US currently, and you happen to be in Bangladesh or any other place where the coronavirus pandemic is actually peaking right now and yourContinue reading “Anti-blackness & your brown family, A conundrum”

London, my love

My first visit to London was nine years ago. It was the summer after eleventh grade, and I was going to the UK for a family trip. I was sixteen, and mostly disgruntled about missing prom (I was having a particularly ungrateful privileged teenager moment). Part of my mom’s mission for taking me on thisContinue reading “London, my love”

In search of home

A few days ago I got a phone call from the Bangladesh High Commission here in London, asking for my passport information. A flight is being arranged, they said, and you’re on the list. We’ll get you home. Home. I’ve long come to believe home is a feeling, not a place. To me, it’s whereContinue reading “In search of home”